After a difficult seven months at a job I despised, I quit last week. This past week has been sheer disaster; I feel I have nothing left to offer the world. Sure, I'm depressed. I have been depressed since I was 13 years old, with years in between then and now on prescribed medications to suppress and dull my feelings. None of those seem to be working at the moment... in fact, I'm more depressed than ever; I'm exhausted, dizzy, my skin has broken out into a rash, I have a sore way in the back of my mouth that won't go away, and I'm nauseated. Things really are not looking up.
Life really started to hit rock bottom once I lost the group of people that I thought were my friends. They have all abandoned me and moved on with their own lives, posting pictures of their perfect lives on facebook; trips to the beach, trips to theme parks, hanging out with their new friends. Every time I see this it feels like a slap in the face; as though they are deliberately throwing their happy lives in my face. I am jealous and I wish I had what I once had. I spent today watching commercials from the 80's which reminded me of simpler, happier times. Commercials with the old McDonald's characters, commercials for Teddy Ruxpin (I still have mine), and commercials for My Buddy (I had one of those at one time as well). Times really were simpler back then, and I wish I could go back. My mother was able to protect me from this cruel world back then and I didn't have to deal with the pressures of life. I really feel at this moment like I'm just waiting to die; nothing to look forward to; nothing to be happy about. I am completely lost and I don't know what to do about it. I really wish I had someone to talk to who understood.
